I must be too annoying 4 u.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
