Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
