for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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