if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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