So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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