My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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