his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
