Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
