How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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