Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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