God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
