I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
