A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
