there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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