This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize