So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
