Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
