matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
