does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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