Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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