She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
