she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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