He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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