I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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