Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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