I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
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OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
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But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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