Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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