it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
