Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
