Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
