We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
