apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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