When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
do herpes really smell.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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