I'm eating all of the evidence.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
