did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
