Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
