i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
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Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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