Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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