I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize