Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
