I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
