One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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