I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
