The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
