she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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