god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
