i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
