Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
