It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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