Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
