For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Vodka?
Forever.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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