I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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