There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
