The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
