it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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