mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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