i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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