Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
