Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
