Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
