next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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