Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
