So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i love accidental penises.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
