He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize