i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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