apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
