the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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