In the future we'll all be gay
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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