Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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